I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
