You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
