You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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