i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize