Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
