We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
