What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
