went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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