You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
