I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
