you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
