There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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