I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
