the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
