so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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