Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
