By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This house was built for laser tag.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
