I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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