I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
