Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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