Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
