absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
