that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
