i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
