I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
