Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
