he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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