ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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