guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
