i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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