Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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