I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
