That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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