if only i could text you this smell
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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