ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Princesses don't give blow jobs
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
