Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize