we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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