It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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