No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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