first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
