I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
