Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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