so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
