I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
