That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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