I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
