Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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