i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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