Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
