Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
