Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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