lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
