I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
