I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
