Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
