Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
