I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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