So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
