it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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