watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize