my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sext me about skeletons
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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