Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
