My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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