I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
