The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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