I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
