apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
