We're like a lot better than the average bears
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
