I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
