I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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