Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
