just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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