I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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