ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
