I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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