i love accidental penises.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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