.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize