I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
