Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize