Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize