is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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