Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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