I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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