Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
