Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
