The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
