i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize