my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
