Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
