do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
