And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
