What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
