"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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