True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
