she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
