How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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