I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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