Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
