she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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