Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
